The American Reorganization & Cleanliness Act.

My dear friends, and fellow Americans,

We have come to a time in our Nation’s history that an insidious problem, that plagues many of our citizens, must be addressed for the greater good.

The challenge I speak of today is disorganization, or clutter bug syndrome.  Millions of Americans find themselves in the midst of disorder and clutter.  For some it is only a “junk drawer”, but for far too many this affliction spills over into their garage, spare room, and even into their living space.  Those who suffer from chronic clutter disorders, find themselves apologising to their friends and associates, and are frequently the subjects of ridicule, and prejudice.  Clearly this prejudice is unjust.  Clutter bugs lack the genetic makeup for organization, or were denied the social, and educational systems that would have allowed them to succeed.  Regardless of the individual cause of clutter buggery, the problem has been swept under the rug, for far too long.

That is why I am pleased to announce the following legislative outline;

The American Reorganization & Cleanliness Act.

Under the ARCA, we will usher in a new era of order and cleanliness.  While this will not be easy, many of the structures and systems required are time-tested, and sound in their application.

We will first need to evaluate and establish individual levels of clutter dysfunction, therefore a new agency, modeled after the IRS will be established.  The Clutter Review Service will monitor clutter levels through yearly mandatory fillings.  A progressive scale will measure individuals and assign a score from messy slob at the most disenfranchised end of the scale, to uptight rigid anal retentive (URAR) at the top end of the scale.

Based on your individual scoring by the CRS, redistribution will be assigned, to each, according to their needs, from each, according to their abilities.

The time is far past, that those who would selfishly clean and organize their own lives, should be required, to share in the advantages that have come so easily to them, with those who are less fortunate.  It is time to level the playing field, the clean freaks will finally be mandated to divert their self-absorbed attention to tidying up, to the dishevelled, who really need it.  So grab a mop, and let’s get busy.

Under my program the URAR will be formed into Community Organization Squads, this will be a mandatory volunteer program, of service, that will follow the same guide lines as the Community Reinvestment Act, however with the distinction of working from the bottom up.  Those who have been identified as a messy slob, or clutter challenged, will be assigned a squad leader to assist them, who will then, hand out assignments to the appropriate URAR under their command.  URAR shall give a portion of their day, to the cleaning of anothers mess, this portion shall be no less than 25% with no cap on the term of daily service.  This, ever straightening, hand sanitizing, crowd needs to be saddled with the filth of society.  No longer will this class of neat freaks, be able to look down on the unclean, and unkempt.

I look forward to a day, when all people can be judged by the content of their newly cleaned and organized drawers and shelves.  And while some of my detractors will argue that usurping the efforts of the organized will create disincentives to being organized.  I say, Hallelujah, for then we will live in a world where no man or woman will have to suffer from the debilitating embarrassment of being slovenly, because when no man or woman can show a clean house, only then will we be truly equal in our squalor.

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2 Responses to “The American Reorganization & Cleanliness Act.”

  1. Sheila P Says:

    hahahahahaha I love it! oh wait…. I’m one of the organized ones. hmmm, perhaps I need to un-categorize and un-alphebetize our DVD’s. Gotta run, I have some bills I need to scatter on the kitchen table.

  2. Buzzy Says:

    Organized people are just too lazy to look for stuff (LOL, good article)

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